Honestly, I’m not good with emotions.
In others I can usually know what is going on, but with my own, I simply don’t understand.
I feel things and I don’t know why.
My head cannot make sense of it.
Sometimes it is because I am overthinking too much.
But other times the emotions well up in me and I can’t even think.
It has not always been like this. I think for a long time I blocked a lot of my own emotions. I lived on the surface (which I at times still do). I forced myself to be at some level of happiness.
Lately I have been tapping in to my emotions more…. even though at times it hurts.
Somedays I simply cannot help it, they overwhelm and confuse me.
Today is such a day.
I honestly ‘think’ I am happy…. things are going great, life is good.
But yet… I ‘feel’ something different. Not exactly sure what that feeling is. Part loneliness, part sadness, part loss…..
So hard to describe, but it’s like a lump in my chest….that won’t move away.
I try to figure out the why….. but I can’t.
Not sure if that makes things worse or not.